Friday, October 1, 2010

Loving on Purpose

I recently finished a book and video series with some friends titled "Loving your kids on purpose". I do love self help books, but am particularly encouraged when any or most of it can be backed up by truth. And truth meaning, the bibles take on the information given. The basis of the book; there is no fear in love.

Being a parent is really one of the greatest joys in life, and while it's extremely hard at times, the blessings in it, out way most of the negative. I can remember when I first had my daughter I was overjoyed, but also felt so overwhelmed with responsibility. I would remind myself that I chose this, so buck it up. Those words seemed to get me by in the most toughest moments, but as Avery  got older, the challenges changed, and in some ways became harder. I had to use my brain more, and explain myself more, and clean up stuff a whole lot more. When it came time to discipline I would use the typical method of eye intimidation and raising my voice, spanking at times, and reminding her that if she didn't behave, well, there would be punishment. It may sound as if I am, but I'm not an aggressive person, and most of you who know me well, can agree. Although how I handled myself in a situation where Avery made a bad choice left me feeling empty. I would claim she she needed some control, but in all reality, I was trying to control her. The problem with this is, no one wants to be controlled. And while I've been entrusted to guide, teach, and instruct my daughter, I wasn't asked to rule her life. 

The no fear in love part comes into play when Avery would do something that I disapprove of, and turn and make her feel less than, or a disappointment to me. God doesn't work that way and I shouldn't either. Sure I believe in consequences, and experiencing the discomfort from our bad choices, but while our children are in our homes, it should to be the safest place for them to make mistakes. She shouldn't feel the wrath of my anger and judgment for simply learning life, but rather use the opportunity given, to teach her. There is no fear in love.

Growing up myself, I had great parents and they were about as loving and nurturing as could be. I can only think of two times that my dad got all big eyed at me for burping at the table, and one time, back talking my mom. If I ever felt intimidated, looking back, it seemed like a healthy intimidation if there is such a thing. I felt loved, I felt excepted, and I felt my parents very graceful grief if I made a bad choice. They were led by the greatest father there is, which is why I felt nothing but love, even in my consequences.

Something else that I've learned through this method is that it's not just for kids, but rather for anyone. It can be used in your marriage, your work, and family members. Learning to control who I am and how I respond makes for a much better outcome, leaving me in control of any circumstance. I don't feel like I've made there problem mine, but can be available to work through there issue with them. It also teaches my child especially, that you don't need to use harsh words or even harsh tones to get what you need out of a situation. There is no fear in love.

I would highly recommend this book for everyone who has kids especially, or thinking about having kids. I gave you such a small nugget of info, but hopefully it's enough to spark an interest, and encourage you to; Love your kids on purpose.
Loving Our Kids on Purpose

1 comment:

  1. Ange I thought I 'd posted a comment earlier, so if this is a repeat sorry, I wanted toknow if you had a copy of this I could borrow, it sounds amazing and very important. Thanks for sharing!