Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Moving on

My mind is full of all sorts of thougths, and not sure how everything will come together, or if it will make any sense. I'm struggling just to find the right words, and want to be as sensitive as I can. I don't know where to start, but I know I should. 

Justin and I have walked through some pretty low valleys. Some on our own personal level, and some with our family. We had to say goodbye to another family member earlier today, and it just seems that, well; saying goodbye is all to familiar. I'm only 32 and in the last seven years I've seen more than ten of our family's passings. Maybe that's normal, maybe not, but it's not easy, and while there moving on, we seem to be left with emptiness, and a vulnerable insecure soul. Unsure of what the future really is, we try to suffice the heartache and remember all the wonderful memories and hopes that we've been left with. All the while, overwhelmed with the process of passing, the responsibility in it, and hole left in our hearts where that special person was. 

People say time will heal, but I'm not convinced that it does or minimizes any of the pain. Speaking from experience, as time passes it's actually harder, because with time, you began to notice all the things that person has and will miss out on. The influence and testament that person was,  and the unknown of the're spirit, or will we get to see them again. It's questions we all face, or will at some point, and have to decide for ourselves or search for the answers too. 

My dad in his last two weeks spoke two things to my heart. Fight the good fight! Don't sweat the small stuff! Although sometimes I don't feel like much of a fighter, and sweating the small stuff has landed in my day a time or two, those words show up in my thoughts, and suddenly my spirit feels close to my dads. Reminding me that even though he has moved on, I don't have to, and I can live life with this loss, freeing me from the burden and pressure of moving on, as it is not my time. 

No one person will experience loss the same. We all were designed a different heart and a different soul, and when it's our time to Move on, hopefully we'll leave a legacy of faith, hope, truth, and love to those we meet on our journey.

May the ones ahead of us be in the clouds cheering us on while we run this race with joy.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing Angela. I'm sorry you are faced with loss again. I'll be praying for your family.